The ultimate guide to writing, period
First, write your title. No, actually write your title last. In fact, write it first, then write your post, then go back to the title and change it.
Write short, concise articles
Your posts should be no more than 500 words each. If you write more, nobody will want to even click on it. Think about it, how many people want to waste their time reading your amazingly thought-through opinion, on the subject that they love?
In today’s world you are fighting for people’s attention, don’t ever forget about that! And once you get their attention, you don’t want to keep it for very long. Consider your competition; you don’t want all those people looking at your post for the whole day, contemplating what they just read, and going deeper into the subject matter still. You want them to click, read through it in half the estimated read time, and leave with no memory of what they just saw.
The biggest plus of writing short is that you can churn content non-stop. Quantity over quality, that’s your mantra! This way you increase your chance of going viral too.
Write long posts, at least 1500 words, maybe even 3000+
When you write, you write! You’re not gonna waste your readers’ time with short barely rooted clickbait-y posts. You want to put them through an adventure!
You want to have time to establish your characters, introduce the environment and context, and slowly develop the subject matter. And don’t forget — whatever it is you’re writing about you need 3 acts with seamless segues between them.
You’ve been fighting for your readers’ attention, so now savour it! Have them read through your whole life’s story while occasionally mentioning the subject of your post so that they remember why they clicked on the title in the first place.
By the end of it, you want your readers to have forgotten the day of the week, the place they were, and what they ate for breakfast.
Write clickbait-y titles
You want to grab attention instantly! Provoke your readers! Use hyperbole, promise to list things that have no way of being listed, ask clearly rhetorical questions, that you know you can simply just answer with “no” to, without having to go through the trouble of writing anything more about it.
You want your readers to just stop on your title mid scroll, raise their eyebrows and drop a coffee mug they didn’t even know they were holding. They have no choice but to click on that! I mean, as long as they didn’t break the mug. It was a nice mug, their mom just bought it for them after seeing it listed in an article called “Top 8+ Most Absolutely Thought-Provoking Mugs For YOUR Daughter (Or Son)!”. They both loved that mug.
Write short and concise titles which go to the point without going in circles too much, also absolutely definitely skip the adverbs
I think that one is pretty clear. The title should just say something like “My advice on relationships”. In fact, just drop the “my”. Who are you anyway? Also, “advice” sounds pretentious. Just call it “On relationships”. It’s an essay now, be proud.
Write juicy paragraphs
Every paragraph should be a self-contained trove of treasure, with its development and conclusion. Once a skimmer lands on a paragraph, they should have to read through the whole thing in one go or leave. If they leave, it’s their fault, they were clearly not meant to read this. Meaning it wasn’t meant for them. If I had to use a metaphor, I would have used one. OK, I guess I will. Imagine that the reader was a squid… you know what, let’s just move on.
Write short paragraphs
Use your white space!
You have the opportunity to put your writing on
as many lines, as you want, so just do it.
It makes it easier for the reader
to read and skim through most of it.
Just imagine that you’re writing code comments on a screen with 80 characters width limit.
This way they can just skip all the boring parts,
which let’s face it, is like all of it.
Now they can just read the subheadings
and any quotes that you’ve placed around.
Everything which isn’t a subheading or a quote is a waste of the reader’s time.
Don’t end sentences on prepositions
You know, those remnants from the germanic origins of English like separable verbs? Some elitists don’t like them. They are something your sentences shouldn’t be finished on.
The passive voice shouldn’t be used
Like, ever. Even if the context begs for it, the passive voice should not be used.
Don’t bother with grammar
People aren’t here to read perfect writing. There are books for that. Even though there are simple and free-to-use tools out there, you shouldn’t be bothered to even look for them.
Moreover, you shouldn’t try to improve your grammar whatsoever. If you are trying to improve your writing, concentrate on other things, but don’t bother with grammar. Unnecessary is what it is.
Read other people’s writing
You should do your research! Go out there and find everything you can, cram it all into your head! Don’t stop until you’ve completely lost yourself, and have no idea who you are anymore. Then you can start writing, maybe.
In fact, once you start writing, think again “How would person X write about this? How about person Y?”. Just don’t put any words out there until you’re sure that at least one other person has written the absolutely same thing.
Don’t read other people’s writing. Nor comments
You don’t want to be influenced by other people’s writing! You’re your own person, you have your own ideas and methods, and you’re gonna follow them through!
Never mind that you might run out of ideas. They will come!
Nevermind research. Just write whatever you have learned through random chance so far!
Comments? Same thing! You don’t want to be influenced by people’s opinions, or their “wishes”. As far as you know, they are just trying to sabotage you!
But most importantly, don’t give up. If people are telling you it’s not worth it — that’s not for them to decide. If nobody is noticing you — it’s not your fault. Do whatever is in your control, and allow yourself to be grateful for any little progress you see. And then just keep moving forward!
